貓狗公約 [筆隨]

我們這個山中的社區住著很多文雅的人士，每當清晨和黃昏，在林徑或者溪邊，常常走動著悠閒而樂活的居民，大家見面總是微笑招呼，等待巴士的時候也會排隊禮讓，還定期辦了很多藝文活動，住在這裡的人都以此自豪，願意努力維持這樣斯文的氣息，以及如此自然的環境。可是，在社區委員會定期的會議討論中，一直不能避免貓叫和狗屎的問題。

養貓人士很愛他(她)們的貓，因為貓真的是很溫暖的室內伴侶，試想，在山居的夜裡，有時下雨，尤其冬天，一隻貓，或者兩隻貓偎在膝上，或踡一團似的毛球歇在房間的任何角落，真的可以消融不少冷清。而愛狗人士帶著一隻、兩隻，或者一隊狗兒在社區的山林間、草地上跑步、遛走，挺順當的，有些毛髮乾淨、造型有趣而總是到處分享口水的狗，甚至幫主人交了不少朋友。可是各種貓和各種狗有各種不同的習性，每個養貓和每個養狗的人也有各種不同的想法和作法，於是“寵物文化”出現了極大的多樣性。記著，社區內可還有不少不養貓、不寵狗的人士，這些人當然也形成“不寵物文化”的多樣性。

因此，微笑招呼的鄰居在貓、狗的問題上不可避免地出現了芥蒂。貓的主人並不打算違逆貓口的天性，遛狗人士對狗屎的態度也趨向順其自然；但是，有人實實不願在散步的途中出其不意遇見狗屎，有人真真無法忍受貓狗日夜不分的自然發聲，還有人甚至沒有與貓狗仳鄰而居的意願；他們或者對貓狗沒有惡意，但並不打算在居家條件上退讓。那麼，這椿案子如何排解？先從貓狗擾人之處下手，於是行文公告、網路宣導、貓籍狗口的登錄，甚至提供狗屎清除的指導、貓狗結紮的補助。可是，季節一到，貓不能不叫，現場無犬的狗屎，無人認帳，尤有甚者，由於社區素有愛護動物的美名，因而成了外人棄養貓狗的天堂，每過一段時間就會平白生出一族流浪的貓狗，成了寵與不寵兩邊爭執的推卸地帶，一方表示無奈，說是出於人道收養，另一方則分析批判，認定此乃姑息棄養。山中社區已經陷入一個無解的糾纏。

於是決定訴諸法律，何況官方早有明文，貓狗不法，飼主當罰，再配合結紮補助、推動認養，似乎明天會更好。為了公告罰則條款，社區的管理委員會甚至斥資製作了很多顏色典雅、造型端莊的告示板，樹立在幾乎所有既怡人又醒目的地方，諸如楓樹下、櫻花旁、公園入口、車站旁邊；告示板上列了七項罰款條文，罰款從數千到十幾萬，外加一條特別提醒務必注意罰款的條文，要求貓狗的相關人士代為閱覽與遵守。於是，愛貓者必須要求貓兒共體時艱，特別季節，務必收歛；而出門兜風的狗兒必須三選一：戴口罩、繫狗圈、或在脖子上套一種喇叭式的什麼，遛狗的人士也多了一件配備：塑膠袋。照說，戴了口罩的狗不可能狂吠嚇人，繫了項圈的狗也在主人掌控之中，塑膠袋當然會把各自的狗屎帶回家，至於狗狗的體味、貓兒的不當叫聲，實在也沒有標準，或者習慣了就好。那麼，是不是貓狗的相關爭執可以就此了了？喔！我們絕不能小看動物的問題，當然，人的問題。


The Treaty for Cats and Dogs
[Translated by Huai-Ti Lin 林懷玓]

My community in the mountains is home to many genteel people. From dawn to dusk, these happy people often stroll around, in the woods or along the creek. When we meet, we always smile and salute. When we wait for the buses, we always stand in lines courteously. Every so often, we have quite a few artistic or cultural activities in the community. People who live here always take pride in these demonstrations of refinement, and strive to keep up this wonderful atmosphere and environment. However, on the agenda of every community meeting, we can never be rid off the issue of cats and dogs.

Cat owners love their cats, because these animals (the cats of course, not the humans) make lovely indoor company. Imagine a dark night in the mountains, perhaps with some winter rain, a cat or two purring on the laps or curling in the corner of the room really can dissolve much bleak misery. On the other hand, dog lovers are often surrounded by one, two, or a pack of dogs when jogging in the mountain ranges and grassy places. It seems all very appropriate. Some dogs with freshly kept fashion hairdo like to share their slobber with everyone. They even make new acquaintances for their masters everywhere. Nevertheless, different cats and dogs have different upbringing, and every cat owner or dog lover also has his/her own ideals and principles. Consequently the “pet culture diversity” really has become formidable. What’s more, there are still a lot of cultivated people who do not keep cats or dogs. These people certainly have their own “no-pet culture diversity”.

For the reason stated above, the happy habitants of this refined community have some conflicts on the issues of cats and dogs. Cat owners don’t really want to mute their cats’ seasonal tunes. The dog lovers also tend to take on a more naturalistic view regarding the organic compost from the dogs. Of course, there are people who do not wish to meet any hot shit by surprise walking down the paved trail. There are also people who cannot enjoy any song from the cat either night or day regardless of the voice quality. There are even people who do not plan to live with animals at all. These people may not have anything against animals, but they simply don’t want to let any cat or dog compromise their quality of living. Well then, what can we do about this conflict? We can start with public education through posters and internet. We can also encourage registering pets. Or we can even offer instructions on how to clean up animal feces, and offer support to sterilize pets. However, when the season comes, cats have to sing. When nobody is around, the dog deposits get left behind. On top of that, since our community has been known to be animal friendly, irresponsible pet owners from the city always abandon their pets here. The population of cats and dogs only increases over the years. Some people have even fought over this. Some say that picking up unwanted animals is merely an act of great humanity, but others argue that it is accommodating those irresponsible pet keepers (pet dumpers, to be more precise). Well, these are debates without solutions.

Naturally, we would have to bring in the law. Besides, the legislature has already made it quite clear: when cats and dogs break a law, the owner(s) (that’s if they exist and can be found) will have to take the consequences (usually as fines). With the sterilization policies in place and a big push on adoption, it seems like tomorrow will be better. Indeed, in order to publicize this detailed pricelist of different ways cats and dogs can earn additional tax for the government, the community administrative committee invested in producing many signs with aesthetic colors and proper shapes. They have been erected at various respectable yet conspicuous places, such as under the maple trees, besides the cherry blossoms, by the park entrance, or even at the bus stops. There are seven items on each sign, indicating fines from thousands to over ten thousand. There is also one additional item emphasizing that we should follow the above seven (but this one doesn’t have a price tag). In consequences, cat lovers must ask for their cats’ understanding and shut up any vocal talents. As for the dogs that enjoy some fresh air outside, they have three choices: submitting to a head mask, obeying to the leash, or wearing a collar trumpet which is much longer than their saliva can travel. Whoever walks the dog, of course, have to equip him/herself with plastic bags compatible to the colon size of the corresponding dog. Supposedly, dogs with head masks cannot possibly scare people with their long face, and the leash should keep them under control at all times. Plastic bags would then carry all the street brownies home with the original makers. As to the body aroma from some dogs and occasional cat hiccups, there is really no definite standard. Perhaps we can get use to it. Well then, have we gotten a treaty of cats and dogs? Oh, we must not underestimate animals, especially with humans.